Talking to partners means communicating openly about your wishes and boundaries regarding sex and contraception. It involves saying what you are comfortable with (like using a condom) and listening to the other person’s feelings. It’s also about mutual consent: both partners agree freely to any sexual activity. Good communication is a key part of safe and respectful relationships.
Talking to Partners
What It Is
Why It Matters
Partner communication leads to safer sex and healthier relationships. When teens discuss contraception beforehand, they’re more likely to use it properly. Unfortunately, studies show many don’t: only about 53% of teen girls and 45% of teen boys talked about birth control or STIs with their first partner before sexGuttmacher Institute, 2007. This means nearly half of teens risk sex without planning for protection. Open talks reduce misunderstandings and pressure. For example, saying “I’d feel better if we used a condom” is okay and shows self-respect. Experts note that teens with strong family communication are more likely to have these conversations with partnersPolicyLab CHOP, 2019. Encouraging honest dialogue helps ensure both people feel safe, respected, and in control.
Statistics to Know
- Partner discussions: In one survey, only about half of teenagers discussed contraception or STDs with their partner before first sex (53% of girls, 45% of boys)Guttmacher Institute, 2007.
- Communication and pregnancy prevention: Teens who discuss birth control with partners are significantly more likely to use it consistently. (For example, girls who planned before first sex had higher condom use.)
- Consent awareness: Surveys show many teens feel unsure how to say “no” if they or their partner aren’t ready. Role-playing or examples can boost confidence.
Age-Specific Guidance
Ages 13-15
At this age, many teens may not be sexually active, but it’s helpful to practice communication early. Teach phrases like “I’m not ready yet,” or “Let’s wait” and encourage role-playing scenarios. Emphasize that no is a complete sentence and should always be respected. Discuss that it’s okay to talk about feelings (“I like you but I’m nervous”). If they have steady crushes or dating peers, encourage them to chat about non-sexual boundaries first (e.g., hand-holding, kissing). Parents or educators can suggest simple scripts: for example, “I’m excited about being close, but let’s use a condom when we take the next step.”
Ages 16-18
Here, teens may be having sex or very close to it. Stress the importance of an honest talk before sex. Encourage them to be straightforward: for instance, saying “I want to use a condom” or “When would you feel ready?” ACOG guidelines note that adolescents should always be able to refuse a method or sex without pressure20. Practice active listening: both partners should share concerns (fear of pregnancy, STIs). Suggest approaching a topic casually, like during a quiet moment. If a partner is reluctant about condoms, encourage negotiating tactfully or postponing sex. Reiterate that consent must be enthusiastic; any pressure or force is unacceptable.
Common Questions Parents Have
Q: “My partner doesn’t want to use a condom. What should I do?”
A: Insist on using one. Explain that condoms are important for both of you (preventing STIs or unintended pregnancy). You could say, “I care about both of us being healthy.” If they still refuse, you can refuse to have sex. It may be hard, but it’s safer to wait than to risk an unwanted pregnancy or infection.
Q: “How do I bring up using birth control without ruining the mood?”
A: Pick a private, calm moment (not in the middle of intimacy). You might start by saying something like, “Before we go further, I think we should talk about protection.” Speaking honestly doesn’t have to kill the mood – it shows maturity. Remember that your comfort and safety matter. If the partner responds negatively, stay firm or pause the encounter; a caring partner should understand.
Q: “What if my partner says ‘I hate condoms’?”
A: Acknowledge their feelings but stand your ground. You could say, “I understand, they can be awkward. But they protect both of us.” Offer to try different condom brands (some are thinner or textured) and use plenty of lubricant to increase comfort. If they still refuse, it’s not worth the risk of infection or pregnancy. Suggest alternative activities for the night if needed – sex can wait until you both agree on protection.
Q: “How do I even start this conversation? I’m too shy.”
A: It’s normal to feel shy! You might start by sharing something you learned: “I read that it’s important to use condoms until we’ve both tested for STIs.” Or ask a question first: “Have you thought about what we’ll do about birth control if we decide to have sex?” Using “we” can make it a team effort. Practice saying it out loud when alone or with a trusted friend/parent. Remember, this is a responsible step – you’ll likely feel proud of yourself afterward for taking charge of your health.
Q: “If I talk about STIs or birth control, does that mean I’m asking to have sex?”
A: Not at all. Talking about safe sex is smart planning, just like fastening a seatbelt before driving. It doesn’t pressure anyone to have sex; it just shows you’re informed. Good partners will appreciate you looking out for both of your well-being.